you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize