there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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