I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
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my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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