Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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