Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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