Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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