he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize