We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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