Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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