i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
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Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
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