The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
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My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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