He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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