it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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