So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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