My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
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Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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