Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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