got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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