I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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