Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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