Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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