Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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