U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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