I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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