I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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