wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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