So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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