we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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