btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize