No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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