2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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