Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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