I feel like I'm in dance class right now
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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