His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's blow job season.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize