WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
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He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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