I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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