Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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