broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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