I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize