So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is that strawberry winking at me??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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