I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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