I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think I won the penis lottery.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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