Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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