alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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