Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's rum buckets o'clock
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize