I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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