i need an iv and a liver transplant
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize