I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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