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i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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