No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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