Texts From Last Night

jerzygurl93's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke. http://tfl.nu/z4fd
  Replies (19) Good night (6191) Bad night (1258)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes. http://tfl.nu/co11
  Replies (12) Good night (3044) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon http://tfl.nu/5ghl
  Replies (23) Good night (7144) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Girls should come with a carfax report

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Girls should come with a carfax report http://tfl.nu/ithx
  Replies (55) Good night (6909) Bad night (1461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+66): View more from Thailand

  A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+66): A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure http://tfl.nu/u013
  Replies (24) Good night (6337) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that. http://tfl.nu/hvnx
  Replies (11) Good night (4283) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story (307): The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant. http://tfl.nu/nooi
  Replies (16) Good night (5578) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick http://tfl.nu/3g66
  Replies (10) Good night (5651) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8355) Bad night (1204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement. http://tfl.nu/zd8a
  Replies (16) Good night (5007) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49001) Bad night (2214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
  Replies (17) Good night (7204) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1607) Good night (161113) Bad night (40047) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (65) Good night (12064) Bad night (1895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers! http://tfl.nu/0unq
  Replies (28) Good night (5972) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (16553) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers. http://tfl.nu/otyu
  Replies (10) Good night (6557) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (21120) Bad night (1197)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning http://tfl.nu/rq6u
  Replies (16) Good night (3532) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc
  Replies (38) Good night (11041) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ..So we should take it off Youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os
  Replies (28) Good night (10450) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  there was naked duck duck goose

  (703): View more from Virginia

  how does that even get suggested?!

  (815): View more from Illinois

  after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): there was naked duck duck goose (703): how does that even get suggested?! (815): after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal http://tfl.nu/ykdy
  Replies (20) Good night (7256) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (15581) Bad night (1512)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3. http://tfl.nu/mf94
  Replies (15) Good night (5603) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (49) Good night (11507) Bad night (1239)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now. http://tfl.nu/4hn1
  Replies (33) Good night (12000) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life http://tfl.nu/jc1p
  Replies (13) Good night (3373) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34698) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date. http://tfl.nu/xryi
  Replies (43) Good night (7853) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave. http://tfl.nu/dpnt
  Replies (24) Good night (7523) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i fucked a milf yesterday.

  (619): View more from California

  i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i fucked a milf yesterday. (619): i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old. http://tfl.nu/l3df
  Replies (28) Good night (12654) Bad night (1414)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back http://tfl.nu/pd0y
  Replies (10) Good night (4576) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes http://tfl.nu/3hm9
  Replies (49) Good night (8563) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  She did the bend and snap...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy. (519): She did the bend and snap... http://tfl.nu/78hn
  Replies (29) Good night (7274) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks. http://tfl.nu/8eyu
  Replies (45) Good night (18496) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie. http://tfl.nu/febc
  Replies (35) Good night (4570) Bad night (1573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ. http://tfl.nu/xfic
  Replies (14) Good night (6085) Bad night (879)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ http://tfl.nu/62eq
  Replies (90) Good night (23629) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt