i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize